Johnny's Paint Splattering Webpage

I am cleverly disguised as a responsible adult.

"Women might be able to fake orgasms.  But men can fake whole
relationships."

Warning: You may find the content of this page offensive. If you do it's Too damn bad.

This is a non smoking websight, however burping, belching, farting, and spitting are acceptable. "Those are my principles, and if you don't like them... well, I have others."

I am not a sexist.....broads hate that!
   

   WARNING: Condoms aren't completely safe. A friend of mine was wearing one
and got hit by a bus.

   
Little Johnny Jokes

"The Web brings people together because no matter what kind of a
twisted sexual mutant you happen to be, you've got millions of pals out
there. Type in 'Find people that have sex with goats that are on fire' and
the computer will say, 'Specify type of goat.'"

"My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch."

Team Heretics' Home Page
Ernies house of whoopass 
Bikini.com

Carroll College Nudes!

"I got kicked out of Riverdance for using my arms."

"My girlfriend always laughs during sex-no matter what she's reading."

"Hockey is a sport for white men.  Basketball is a sport for black men.
Golf is a sport for white men dressed like black pimps."

"Luge strategy?  Lie flat and try not to die."

"I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member."

I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.

Send me some email

(On the difference between men and women:) "On the one hand, we'll
never experience childbirth.  On the other hand, we can open all our own
jars."
Babe o' the Week

To all you virgins....thanks for nothing.

The trouble with finding your perfect soulmate is that she would probably want to get married, then four weeks after the wedding you would meet  another perfect soulmate, with larger breasts.

Why girls are better than paintball guns.

• Paintguns aren't warm and cuddly.
  
• It is ok if you over lube your girlfriend.
  
• You laugh when your girlfriend farts.
  
• Girls basically clean and maintain themselves.
  
• Changing the appearance of your girlfriend is easier than an anodize and mill job.
  
• A girl can buy you dinner and take you to the movies.
  
• When you talk to a girl and call her by name - people don't look at you funny.
  
• Girls don't have brass nipples.
  
• Girls don't run out of air.
  
• Paintguns won't lick your welts.
  
• You don't mind a "wet barrel" on a girl.
  
• Even if your "paint" doenst match the "barrel" - a good girl will tell you it is a good size.
  
• Stainless steel doesn't stretch.
  
• A girl doesn't throw anything at you at 300fps.
  
• You don't need to wear a mask around a girl.
  
• You never need to retime a girl.
  
• Girls don't blow (cup) seals.
  
• Most guys wont look at your girl and tell you it sucks (to your face).
  
• You can take your girl in public and not have the police harrass you.
  
• You can leave your girl at home on sunday.
  
• It is ok to short stroke your girl.
  
• A girl wont chop your (paint) balls.
  
• Girls don't have ugly hoppers.
  
• Paintguns dont give hugs